Why do people in the gym look like those earbuds are emitting no beat? If it were up to me when "Opps I Did It Again" comes up on my iPod on the elliptical, I would start pumping my arms in front of my chest Brit Brit style. When my ultimate get-your-ass-in-gear-song Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch's "Good Vibrations" comes on, it's shocking I don't yell, "Come on come on Mark! I feel it! Feel it baby!" Thinking about Wahlberg in his Calvin Kleins circa 1994 is a motivation itself. I have his work out DVD. Never worked out to it, but I've enjoyed it from the comfort of the couch many of times.
At the gym, I always look to my side to see a girl in a standard, boxy tee moving steadily, seeming like her mind is blank as she stares straight ahead at the white wall. So I must look like a fool when my arms involuntary fly up when Miley sings "So I put my hands up, they're playing my song!" and I have to play it off like I needed to wipe my forehead.
I'm not some bouncing gym rat. I simply go into hip-swinging, pop star mode otherwise known as "what you do in front of the mirror with the door locked." You should try it. It's "good like Sunkist!"
I can't talk about American Idol with you. I just can't. Ever feel so passionate about something it's hard to describe your feelings to someone who doesn't feel the same passion? So hard, it's frustrating and pointless? That's Idol with me. So accept it. I guess I must really be in love with the show because it's a feeling that can't be articulated in words. Sad, yes. True, oh so true.
That being said, I don't even know why I'm going to share my weekend activities with you. I saw David Cook in concert. For those who have the misfortune of not having Idol or the radio in their lives, David won Season 7.
David has a half smile like Edward Cullen. In his presence, you feel unworthy and let's be honest, you are unworthy (k, I feel unworthy. I can't exactly judge you.) David is a crier. A man crying CAN be attractive in certain circumstances and he succeeds. David succeeds in life. David can pull off a plaid shirt with an A+ and a pound of necklaces. David loves crossword puzzles and children. David has no idea how hot he is. David wins epically when it comes to between song banter. (Don't you hate it when you go to a concert and the artist doesn't talk to the audience? I think it's very important in creating a connection. When there's no banter, it's impersonal.) David has the male version of Angelina lips....And on that note I will conclude. Now see for yourself.
Watch carefully at 1:33. Slight smile and wave. You'll dream beautiful dreams girls. (If there's a straight male looking at this blog, I'm wondering while you're still here two paragraphs in.)
Warning: May be hazardous to health. Side effects may include loss of breath, heart racing, and excessive day dreaming.
Speaking in such detail about my favorite American Idol was difficult, so you better have enjoyed it.
Dear Walt, when you came up with the concept of Disney princes did you intend to ruin lives? Because you might have ruined mine. A couple of weeks ago, my friends and I were watching Disney montages on YouTube. (Yes, this is a completely legitimate way to spend a Saturday night. In case you're curious) We decided that you, Walt, have set the bar way too high for men. They're not these perfect creations as you've depicted. They don't take you on dates to the world wonders on a magic carpet or even take you out on a row boat accompanied by singing animals. Regardless, since the age of three, you and your world-dominating company has burnt that image into my mind. Now, I'm on the mission to find Prince Charming (actually, I don't care for him, I'd prefer Aladdin).
Growing up, kids learn that cartoons aren't real. Now the destroyers have found a way around that. They find real-life cartoons that serve as cat-nip for young girls (or uh, 20-somethings with really good taste). Zac Efron. Disney actor? Yes. Prince? Yeah, probably.
Oh, the JoBros. Disney!!! GRR! Do you have a science lab in the basement of Cinderella's Castle that cooked up this entity? They're the perfect gentleman, hence princes (ya know, kinda). Sure, you can chalk that up to their faith and awesome parents. But, Disney, what's you're excuse for this resemblance? Hmm?
I grew up thinking I was Jasmine. Let's just say, the boy to the right owes me a magic carpet ride.
You'd never know, but I celebrate Halloween at least once or twice a week. Like last week, I was Bella Swan. Don't make fun of me!! I got this actual Bella jacket from Nordstrom. It's the same one she wears in Twilight. The sad part of all of this is not only did I wear a Bella outfit and light Bella make-up, I kinda took on her demeanor for the first part of the day. I walked to my class pretending I was walking into Forks High School, with my head modestly hung, looking down at my feet. Last winter, I thought maybe I'd come back to school, walk in to a classroom, sit in front of a computer, and check up on my teeny bopper sites. Then some shimmery, freezing, stunning vampire boy would sit down and turn to me and say "Hello. I'm Edward Cullen." It didn't happen.
Anyway, back to dress-up. I regularly pretend to be Taylor Swift. Ya know the get-up. I'll curl my hair, wear 20 bracelets on one wrist, wing out some heavy eye make-up, wear a sundress and some cowboy boots, and strap a guitar around my shoulder. I kid. I kid...I don't rock the guitar.
I'm currently wannabe-ing Megan Fox...you don't even want to know.
-Gay guys: Adam Lambert. Come on. Completely legit crush. Lance Bass. I was a sucker for spiky blondes as an 11-year old. Bet you were too. Clay Aiken. Don't judge, America was a Claynation of Claymates...Ok, judge freely.)
-Teachers...yeah, let's not venture there. As a warning to high schools, hiring a 24-year-old Justin Timberlake-esque teacher with a killer sense of humor will serve as a distraction to teen girls.
-Edward Cullen. He's a vampire. He's fiction. He's perfect.
-Celebrities
-Joe Jonas. Yes, he has a category of his own.
-Aladdin. A cartoon crush that has evidently followed me into adulthood (See picture of above listing)
-Married guys. Eli Manning and Taylor Hanson, that's directed toward you.
You see a pattern?! I'm apparently freaking enamored with unattainable men. Can't have them? LOVE THEM! My mom thinks I should call a shrinky-poo. Well, just when I think I can't find another category of unattainability, I find one... Dead Guys...Married Dead Guys.
This man is no ordinary dead guy either. He was the most unattainable and desired man in the world when he was still living. The actual Prince Charming. Walt Disney couldn't have even sketched him up. You know who I'm talking about. The beautiful Prince of Camelot John F. Kennedy Jr...
K, ladies, let's let out a big sigh. Have a moment of silence...I was gonna keep writing, but suddenly I'm at a loss for words looking at People's 1988 "Sexiest Man Alive" cover stuck to my wall.
R.I.P. JFK Jr. Can we have a date in heaven? You can pick me up at the pearly gates. ;)
